Why Some Elderly Ladies Choose to Live Alone

Living alone as an elderly lady can be more than just a solitary choice; it can be a conscious decision born from the values of freedom, independence, and practical considerations. Many elderly women embrace their solitude, valuing the benefits it brings over the uncertainties of remarriage or living with a partner.

Trust and Baggage

Trust is a precious commodity in later years. Many elderly women have had life experiences that have made them wary of faster romantic connections. Scenarios such as the one described by the author, where a long-term friendship ends in heartbreak and a premature marriage, emphasize this point.

“I reconnected with a friend I’ve known for 47 years. We hadn’t seen each other over 25 years. I heard his wife died about three years prior. She was also my friend. We talked a lot initially through Covid. After two years of long distance dating we got married. It was the best thing for both of us. Give it time once you meet someone and give love a chance.”

Practical Considerations

For some elderly women, living alone also means maintaining independence and control over their living environment. The practical considerations extend beyond just financial issues. As the author mentions, she has never had a fair share of the house bills and relies on sexual negotiation with non-live-in partners.

“I have never had a man pay his fair share of the house bills and I am almost 50. If I want to have sex its easier to negotiate condoms with a non-live in guy. I have always done the snow removal and most of the leaf removal.”

The physical challenges of aging, such as arthritis, also play a significant role. The author, who has lived alone all her adult life, had to give up baking due to painful arthritis, which decreased her social interactions and opportunities to connect with others.

“So maybe that can give you some understanding of why some elderly women prefer being alone. It just hit me that if this is a man asking this question they probably prefer having a partner so they can have a maid to cook and clean for him and tell them what to do. If he can still have sex he would still want that also but I’ve read sex is very painful for women that age due to dryness.”

The Altruistic Perspective

Not all elderly women who choose to live alone do so because of practical or physical reasons. Some, like the author’s mother, made decisions based on a desire to avoid caretaking roles in later life. Living alone can also reflect a sense of contributing to the well-being of others, such as in the case of the author taking care of her mother who had esophageal cancer.

“As my mother said when my dad died at age 60 her same age of a heart attack she didn’t want to marry again to end up taking care of a man with cancer. It turned out at age 77 she was the one who ended up getting esophageal cancer and me being the only daughter with 3 brothers I took care of her til she died.”

Conclusion

The choice to live alone in later life is complex and multifaceted. It is a choice that balances the values of freedom, independence, and the practical logistics of aging. For some, it provides a path to continued self-reliance and a life on their own terms.