Secret Reading during Adolescence: A Personal Journey

Many of us have experience with secret reading, particularly during our formative adolescent years. As a child, I was lucky enough to have parents who encouraged reading, so I never needed to read books secretly. However, the experience of my friend who read Grace Metalious’ Peyton Place secretly from my mother's drawer offers an interesting contrast to my own background.

The First Book

My first book, which I still recall vividly, was The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe. It was a gift from my mother when I was 4, after I expressed a particular fondness for The Raven from 101 Famous Poems. However, the secret reading began a few years later, when I was around 11 or 12. I found Lolita, and, much to my guilt, I secretly read it. This experience of secretly reading was a mix of curiosity, defiance, and teenage angst.

Family Reading and Influence

Our family reading habits were quite different. Reading was a shared activity in our household. There were nine of us, all with library cards, and we often returned books and took out more each week. My father was a great reader, and he would read aloud to us several times a week. Some of our favorites included Billy Bunter, Ivanhoe, Heidi, Robinson Crusoe, and The Pilgrim's Progress. I especially disliked when he introduced poetry; works like Evangeline and Grey's Elegy took me weeks to read through, and I can still vividly recall the arduous process.

Secret Reading Backdrop

Despite the joy of reading, my father’s staunch involvement as a Plymouth Brethren Christian brought strict limitations on what I could or could not read. Sundays were practically wasted, with most of the day spent in church, traveling to church, or not even allowed to do homework. Instead, I was given religious texts such as Treasure of the Snow and Mary Jones and Her Bible. These uninspiring works did little to evoke passion for reading in me.

My secret reading, then, was a stark contrast. Any books I could find away from these religious texts were welcome. Even the Bible, despite my father's intentions, became a refuge for me. Reading the Bible, I found, led to a questioning of faith and eventually, atheism. It was the ultimate escape from the often oppressive religious environment imposed on me by my family.

Secret reading, in many ways, was a form of rebellion and a means of discovery. It allowed me to explore themes and ideas beyond the reach of conventional literature, fostering a sense of independence and curiosity that has stayed with me to this day. It’s a reminder of the power of books to shape our minds and to challenge us, even in the most restrictive of environments.

Conclusion

Secret reading during adolescence can be a transformative experience. For me, it was a way to explore literature beyond the heavily prescribed reading list of my family, to challenge the religious doctrines imposed on me, and to discover the joy of reading secretly. It’s a reminder of the importance of parental support for reading and the sometimes unexpected paths that books can take us on.