Introduction

The relationship with a narcissistic parent can be complex and often leads to a myriad of challenges. In the case of my own mother, who was both a narcissist and eventually developed Dementia and had strokes, our interactions were not always straightforward. Understanding the dynamics and the best course of action can be crucial.

Understanding Narcissism and Its Impact

My mother was a narcissist, and as time passed, her condition worsened due to Dementia and strokes, leaving her unable to communicate effectively. Despite these changes, our relationship managed to improve to a certain extent.

It's important to recognize that all narcissistic individuals meet their comeuppance eventually, though actively working to change them, or expecting immediate change, may not be beneficial. The best course of action is often to let them go through their natural decline while maintaining your own well-being.

Forgiveness and Emotions

Forgiveness doesn't always need to be verbalized; it's often an emotional response. I forgave my mother for her narcissistic behavior, and this emotional forgiveness has significantly diminished her power over me. It’s important to acknowledge that once you understand the power dynamics, the person no longer holds that power over you.

It's also crucial to note that not all narcissists are overtly confrontational. Confronting an overt narcissist can potentially be dangerous, but dealing with a covert one can be more subtle but equally painful.

Personal Experience and Lessons

My personal experiences have shown that direct confrontation or attempts to change a narcissistic parent are often futile in the long run. In my case, I faced several instances where my mother tried to sabotage my life regardless of the approach taken.

For instance, after a week of ignoring her, she ‘made up’ and resumed normal relations only to cut off something I loved after a brief understanding that she had been wrong. Similarly, during a calm talk about her behavior, she immediately spread false information about me, undermining any progress made.

Another time, when I was undergoing therapy and had reached a point where my children’s well-being was compromised, I opted for No Contact without my therapist's permission, as the situation became too much to handle. My therapist acknowledged the urgency and focused on teaching me how to set and maintain boundaries.

No Contact: A Valid Strategy

No Contact is often a necessary approach when dealing with a narcissistic parent. It means cutting off any communication or interaction with them. In my case, this decision led to a period where I never saw or communicated with my mother again. It was a difficult but necessary step to ensure my own well-being.

Although setting and maintaining boundaries is important, sometimes the situation necessitates a clear and definitive No Contact. This strategy can be especially important when the relationship is harming other individuals, such as your children.

Conclusion

Dealing with a narcissistic parent requires careful thought and consideration. Whether through No Contact or by setting and maintaining boundaries, the focus should always be on protecting your own emotional and psychological well-being. Recognizing the limitations and tendencies of narcissistic behavior is key to navigating these complex relationships.