The Mask of the Narcissist: Manipulators and Victims in One Persona

Among the many shades of personality disorder, one of the most intriguing and disturbing combinations is the existence of individuals who can seamlessly switch between being manipulators and victims. These individuals, often referred to as narcissists or covert narcissists, are experts at portraying dual roles that can leave others bewildered and puzzled.

Manipulators Who Play the Victim

The one and only covert narcissist are particularly adept at assuming both the roles of manipulator and victim. Their daily tactics involve using manipulation on their victims to achieve their desires. However, just when you need to rely on their assistance, they seamlessly morph into a distraught individual with a deep, emotional story to tell. For instance, they might have built a sturdy house but faced financial difficulties due to their ex-wife, or they might have deserved that big promotion but were let down by a biased boss who favored his son.

The Alibi of a Covert Narcissist

When a covert narcissist decides to leave a relationship or a situation, they become the ultimate victims. The reasons they give are as effusive as they are fake. For example, after a divorce, they might tell everyone how they tried their utmost to save their family but couldn’t because their partner's infidelity made it impossible to maintain harmony. This narrative is designed to evoke sympathy and guilt, ensuring others remain on their side.

Manipulative Phenomena: The Art of Being a Victim

The manipulation of individuals by narcissists goes beyond simple egoistic behavior. Narcissists can also exhibit behavior that makes them appear like victims, even in heroic actions. They might offer help to someone, only to become ensnared in the same situation, leading to a mutual downfall. Their intention is not to save the individual but to create a scenario where the other person feels compelled to take pity on them.

Is Persuasion Different from Manipulation?

It’s important to acknowledge that many people mistakenly confuse manipulation with the powerful art of persuasion. Persuasion, when done ethically, relies on truth, honesty, and genuine insight. Manipulation, on the other hand, often employs lies, fears, and other manipulative tactics to influence others. A persuasive individual can hold a crowd with the power of truth, whereas a manipulator uses the crowd's emotions to bend their will.

Origins of Manipulative Behavior

Manipulative behavior is not something an individual is born with; it is often a result of their upbringing and personal experiences. People who become manipulators may have grown up in environments where such behavior was the norm, where they were abused, abandoned, or felt responsible for the failures and successes of others. By projecting a victim-like demeanor, they seek to garner sympathy and validate their own actions and beliefs.

Accountability at the End of the Day

At the end of the day, only we are accountable for our own actions. True, our environments and upbringing play a significant role in shaping our behavior, but ultimately, we choose the path we walk. By validating their victim-like behavior, individuals who have been through traumatic experiences can perpetuate a cycle of victimhood, but this does not absolve them of the responsibility for their choices and actions. As we grow, we must accept accountability for our own lives and the actions that shape our reality.