Exploring My Journey into Gothic Culture

Gothic culture, with its dark and beautiful aesthetics, has been a fascination for me ever since I was a child. As a child, around the age of ten, I was drawn to the timeless beauty of gothic clothing and the haunting melodies of goth rock. This early admiration for the gothic aesthetic laid the foundation for my ongoing engagement with this unique cultural phenomenon.

The Genesis of My Gothic Identity

My journey into the gothic world was not always deliberate. In my teenage years, I found myself gravitating towards grunge culture initially. Grunge was more socially acceptable in secondary school, making it easier for me to access and adopt the associated fashion. My wardrobe was largely black, consisting of black jeans and tops, and I even got several piercings, which was a step towards fully embracing my gothic style.

However, by the time I reached university, I had a bit more freedom to express my true self. I no longer had to hide my tattoos, and I became friends with a wider variety of people. This period was filled with experimentation, and although I didn’t quite fit in with the typical fashion trends of Crop Tops, Joggers, and Fake Tan, I still stood out in my gothic attire.

The Challenges and Triumphs of Gothic Expression

While university was a period of self-discovery and experimentation, it was also wrought with challenges. I broke up with a long-term partner, lost friends, and experienced a period of severe depression. This emotional turmoil made it difficult to focus on self-care, much less fashion experimentation. Additionally, a significant health setback such as the loss of much of my hearing and a head injury that damaged my auditory nerves further impacted my ability to enjoy music, a key element of gothic culture.

After a brief experiment with Dark Academia, I graduated and moved into the professional world. Working as an LSA in a school gives me the freedom to fully immerse myself in my gothic interests. I have embraced the strega and romantic goth subcultures, drawn to their affinity with nature and intricate designs.

Current Gothic Identity and Expression

Today, I still identify strongly with the baby bat and strega subcultures. My tattoos often reflect my love for the natural world, with themes ranging from mushrooms, ferns, and flowers to moths, frogs, deer, and other forest elements. My musical tastes have remained consistent, with bands like Siouxsie and the Banshees, Pink Floyd, Muse, The Cure, and more, still holding a special place in my heart.

I often lean towards traditionally femme clothing, as it's easier for me to find fitting pieces. However, my love for gothic culture extends beyond fashion. After a falling out with my church, I embraced Wicca, finding a spiritual connection that resonates with my gothic spirit. Makeup and appearance remain secondary for me, and my favorite color, pink, continues to shine through.

Through all these experiences, I have learned to embrace and express my gothic identity without feeling the need to conform to any stereotype. Gothic culture, with its inherent flexibility and inclusivity, allows me to find balance and create a unique personal expression that incorporates various aspects of my life.