Crafting a Compelling Essay for Top Universities: Insights from a Successful Applicant

Applying to top universities, especially those in the Ivy League or with low acceptance rates, can be daunting. This journey often involves carefully constructing an essay that not only aligns with the institution's values but also highlights your unique qualities and experiences. Here, we'll explore the key elements that can make your essay stand out, using insights from a successful applicant who got into Vassar College.

Key Elements of a Compelling Essay

1. Authenticity

Write in your own voice and share genuine experiences. Admissions committees appreciate honesty and individuality. For instance, the essay from the successful applicant who got into Vassar College opens with a relatable scenario, highlighting the struggles of a student named Molly and his own experiences with stress and pressure. This relatability and honesty resonate with the human side of the applicant.

2. Personal Growth

Highlight experiences that have shaped who you are. Discuss challenges you've faced and how you've overcome them, along with what you've learned. The essay about the architectural internship is a perfect example of this. The author describes the stress and the subsequent growth in handling pressure and working under demanding conditions. This narrative showcases personal development and resilience.

3. Passion and Interests

Convey your passions and how they align with your academic and career goals. The applicant's essay touches on both academic and extracurricular interests, such as architecture and volunteering. By demonstrating how these interests complement each other and drive you forward, you can further solidify your application.

4. Impact on Others

Describe how you’ve made a difference in your community or among your peers. This could be through leadership roles, volunteer work, or personal projects. In the essay, the author mentions how he supported Molly and notes his tutoring efforts, which highlight his empathy and willingness to help others.

5. Connection to the School

Research the school's values, programs, and culture. Explain why you are a good fit and how you can contribute to the campus community. For Vassar, the applicant includes details that show an understanding and alignment with the institution's values, such as its focus on holistic education and community involvement.

6. Strong Narrative

Craft a compelling story that engages the reader. Use descriptive language and vivid details to bring your experiences to life. The story about the architectural project and the support from teammate Zoe is a prime example. The narrative is engaging, relatable, and memorable.

7. Reflection

Include thoughtful reflections on your experiences and aspirations. This shows maturity and a deeper understanding of your goals. The author reflects on the impact of his actions and the lessons learned, which adds a layer of introspection to the essay.

Examples and Personal Insights

No essay has ever gotten me into any college prior to my acceptance to Vassar. These applications were primarily based on achievements and reference letters from top scholars. However, the essays I've seen from successful applicants are often centered around personal growth, passion, and overcoming challenges.

I recently got accepted to Vassar College's class of 2024, an elite liberal arts college with an acceptance rate of 23%. Here’s a glimpse of my Common App essay:

Essay

KLONK. My head hit the classroom table as I crawled under it to join Molly. The eight-year-old jabbed at her sparkling shoes with a pencil, looking up at me. I stared back, smiling a little. Her eyes dropped to the paper below. She brought her pencil over to problem 1. A few weeks earlier, I began volunteering with a program that helps students like Molly. I don’t know her whole life story, but school was clearly a stressful place for her. One day, as the teacher pressed her to get going, she pulled out her math packet. She was agitated; I think she felt overwhelmed in the spotlight. I tried to engage her, but she ignored me. And then Molly crawled under the table.

I felt stuck. Should I move on or try to coax her out? I thought about the last few weeks watching Molly struggle. I knew what I had to do. And then: KLONK.

I have some sense of what Molly was going through. I work best when I have plenty of time to think through a problem. When the clock’s ticking and I’m in the spotlight, sometimes I freeze up... and I feel like diving under a table. I struggled with this recently myself. On my first day interning at an architecture firm, I joined an ongoing project designing a medical center. I thought I’d be assigned to assist someone, but Andy, the project manager, dropped what felt like a bomb: I had one week to create an entirely new digital model of the building from which a physical model would be constructed for the client. Using software I’d never used before. On my own. And it needed to be perfect. Hello spotlight.

Stunned, I retreated to my desk. I considered crawling under it. A voice of doubt echoed in my head. I thought about how hard I’d worked to get the internship. I thought of the people who were counting on me: the client, Andy, the team. I took a deep breath and found a new voice: You’ve got this.

I dove in. I spent the afternoon learning the software. I meticulously finished part of the model, taking it to Andy. His response: meh. I worked late that night, fueled by Swedish Fish. I got in early and left late the next day and the day after that. I made progress, but it was hard going. And then I got stuck. I sat perplexed in front of my screen, when Zoe, another architect, wheeled over in her chair. With an encouraging smile, she offered some suggestions, helping me back on track. I delivered the next section to Andy, who nodded indifferently. His expectations were sky-high. The pressure was intense, but I stayed focused as the days went by. Zoe was rooting for me, intermittently rolling by with advice.

In the end, I delivered the model just in time. I stood speechless as the build was unveiled to the whole team. Andy told me I’d done a great job; his first-ever compliment. I thanked Zoe for her help. It felt incredible. It wasn’t just about the model, but the fact that under pressure in the spotlight I rose to the challenge. I had a new sense of what I could do—and how far I could go with teammates like Zoe in my corner.

You know who else rose to the challenge? Molly. I spent a half-hour with her under the table. She went further in her math packet than ever before. Did it make a difference that I was with her in her corner? I don’t certain. But it felt good to be there. When time was up, Molly sprang out from under the table. She gave me a little wave before skipping out the door in her sparkling shoes. I don’t know if she saw me, but I waved back.

I spent a long time editing this with my parents, literature teachers, college counselors, and college services/coaches. This is a very personal essay to me, and its style isn’t for everyone. Though I will say of the dozens, maybe hundreds, of top-tier essays I read in preparation for writing my own, most have a few things in common:

Shows personality Shows the student overcoming some sort of challenge, no matter how small Shows the student learning from this challenge, sometimes this isn’t as explicit as in my essay Shows some wit/humor

I’ve heard from several admissions officers, counselors, and college services that 80% of essays don’t make a difference in your application. 10% are bad enough to detract from your application, and 10% are good enough to bolster it. You have my best wishes on making it to that positive 10!

-Ryan