How Should an Adoptee Contact Their Biological Mother and/or Half Siblings?

As an adoptee, the journey to reconnect with your biological roots can be complex and emotional. Whether it's an older sister or the biological mother, the process of reaching out can involve several steps. Over the years, I've navigated this path and want to share some insights to make your journey smoother.

Introduction to Adoption Processes

When I embarked on the search for my birth mother, I turned to the Government of Canada's Adoption Registry group. While they provided the initial contact, the group now operates differently. Through letters, phone calls, and eventually an in-person meeting, each step can be challenging, but also rewarding. This guide will walk you through the process step by step.

Step 1: Writing the First Letter

The journey begins with a simple letter. Express your feelings and share your background. Be concise and honest. If you don't receive a response, don't be discouraged. Many people are hesitant to engage at first. Send another letter, reiterating your intentions and providing more details. Persistence is key.

Step 2: Telephone Conversations

If you do get a response, consider having a phone call. This can help establish a connection that a letter cannot. Share stories and laughter, and slowly build rapport. It's important to approach these conversations with patience and understanding.

Step 3: Meeting in Person

Once you feel ready, arranging an in-person meeting is the next step. It can be daunting, but the meeting often proves to be the most fulfilling part of the journey. It's okay to feel nervous or vulnerable, as these emotions are natural. Approach the meeting with an open heart and a willingness to face any outcomes.

Additional Guidance and Insights

I also discovered that I had a half-sister I was unaware of. This realization can bring a mix of emotions and should be handled with care and respect. Both the birth mother and the half-sister passed away shortly after each other, highlighting the importance of cherishing every moment you have with your biological family, whether you find them or not.

Conclusion and Reflection

Each adoptee's journey is unique. I believe 'nature versus nurture' is more about nurture, as I have learned through my experiences. While there are always questions about your family history and medical history, it's essential to remember that it's okay not to seek out these answers if it doesn't align with your personal beliefs or life goals.

Ultimately, the choice to reconnect with your biological family is yours. It's important to be prepared for the emotional roller coaster that comes with such a journey. Whether you decide to take the path I did, or choose not to, know that both paths are valid.

Wishing you all the best on your journey, no matter what choices you make. Remember, every step is a step towards understanding yourself and your heritage, and that's a journey worth embarking on.